Hm.  I feel as though my twentieth birthday, the moment of exit from my teens and entry into the third decade of my life (the decade in which "all the big things happen" according to my friend Chris), would be the perfect time to renounce Xanga, to move on and away from something which played a pretty significant role in my life throughout a good portion of my teenage years.

I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for that, but we'll see.

If it doesn't work out, there's always next year.  Once I'm 21, I'll probably be too wasted too often to update, anyway.

Just kidding.

Hasta luego, Xanga.  Maybe we'll meet again someday.  :o)

New Year.  New haircut/color.  New country (¡Adiós en nueve días!).  New perspective.  New resolutions.

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("New" looks SO funny when you type it that many times.)

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Also, I'm reading a new book.  Well, not exactly new...I'm starting Atlas Shrugged for about the eleventh time.  I've never made it beyond the first few chapters.  This year, though, this is the year I'm going to get through it.  I am committed.  Honestly, if I don't finish it by the end of this month, I owe everyone who comments on this weblog ten dollars.  No joke.  You think I'm kidding, but I really need the extra incentive.  This is one resolution I am going to keep.

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Happy New Year!

Well, here we are, another month has gone by.

Update:

Life is fucking insane.  Seriously, just when you think you've got it all figured out, you just get smacked right in the face with something you never saw coming.

.....Actually, scratch that.  You get smacked in the face with something that you definitely knew was coming, but you just hadn't opened up your eyes to see it.  Closing your eyes and pretending everything is okay is just so much easier.

But you need those moments in life, even though they hurt.  Because, if nothing else, at least your eyes are finally open, you see things for what they really are, and you finally understand what needs to change.  You can't go through life perpetually afraid of hurting or being hurt, or you'll never get anywhere.  They call them "growing pains" for a reason.

I feel like I have grown, and will continue to grow, both as my own person and in the relationships I've come to appreciate so much.  I feel more secure in myself than I have in a long time, and I'm secure in the fact that my life is full of people who value me as much as I value them.  I'm not all the way there yet, and probably never will be, but I am on my way.

Love, Erin

It's been a little over a month, so I guess a brief update is in order.

Um...things are going pretty well.  I'm in a show tonight.  I'll be faking an orgasm in front of about sixty people.  Believe it or not, it's the first time I've done that. :o)

After the show, I'll probably hit up some Halloween parties, either tonight or tomorrow or both.  My costume is kind of unoriginal and mildly skanky...but I'll have fun with it anyway.

I was home for a few days last weekend, and it was wonderful.  Although, watching the "Sideshow" rehearsal was pretty awkward, for a couple of reasons.  I love the people that I know in the show, but there are just so few of them!  And I think there's definitely some mutual not-so-positive feelings between a certain director and myself, but whatever.  I'm still excited to see the show, though.

I'm not in the best mood, but that can change pretty quickly.  More and more, I'm learning that it's often really hard to know where you actually stand with the people you think you're close to.  Everyone shows it in different ways, I guess, or doesn't show it at all.  And then sometimes, you find out that maybe you value your friendship a little more than your friend does.  But you roll with it, and even when it seems like a good portion of your relationships are totally up in the air, there are always a few strong, secure, amazing ones that keep you grounded.

Have a safe and awesome Halloween weekend.

So, yet another month has gone by.  September has been good to me.  Apparently, sophomore year is the year that you decide to join everything, and that's definitely what I'm doing.

- I ran for Sophomore Rep. for Student Senate.  I lost, but I came away with 40% of the vote.  Which basically means that at least 150 Gustavus sophomores (only half voted) think I'm pretty sweet.

- I'm in the Gustavus Choir.  There are only three sophomores in it, and it's a much bigger commitment than the choir I was in last year.  Like, have rehearsal on New Year's Day type of commitment.  But we get to go to Spain and Portugal, so I guess it's worth it.

- I'm in another vocal ensemble, Chamber Singers.  About 15 singers, we perform "vocal jazz" (whatever the hell that means).  We've only had one rehearsal, but I think it's going to be fun.

- I'm going to be reporting part-time (four stories a semester) for GAC TV.  My first story is about Coming Out Week.

- Speaking of Coming Out Week, I've been going to weekly meetings of Queers and Allies, which has been a pretty amazing and enlightening experience.

- I'm getting a little more involved with worship on campus, volunteering as a lector in daily chapel and going to Proclaim (sort of a Peder Eide-ish thing) on Tuesday nights.

- Tonight, I'm auditioning for a part in one of three student-directed one-acts.

- I may be organizing this year's production of "The Vagina Monolgues."  Lord help me.

- This Saturday, I'll spend a few hours knocking on the doors of St. Peter residents, campaigning for Amy Klobuchar.

Plus, on top of all that, I'm still in "I Am We Are" (we have a show coming up), I have a job, and I have class and homework.  And a social life.  Sort of.

So that's what's going on in my life right now, for anyone who cared to know.  Sophomore year is when you join everything, and junior year, apparently, is when you drop out.  We'll see.  I'll be surprised if I even make it to second semester.

What else...Brendan came to visit me this weekend, and it was so good.  I miss/love that boy more every day.  The missing him thing is weird, though...it changes.  When he left Sunday morning, I was so sad for a few hours, but then I just sort of got back into the routine of not having him here.  It's what you have to do, I suppose.  I don't know, I really like talking to my friends about our relationship, especially the ones who believe that long-distance relationships never work.  They're definitely not ideal, but they can and do work.  Mine does.

Okay, this is long.  I like this whole updating once a month thing, but then I end up having almost too much to say.  I'll shut up now.

Actually, just kidding.  A quick congratulations to the musical kids, both for their roles and (for some) their homecoming court nominations.  Way to represent, guys.  Good luck, and I'll be back to see the show the first weekend.

Okay, now I'm really going.  Miss you, love you, hope to hear from you soon.